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Writer's pictureNick Furman

Ambulance - 2022

There is a sequence in Crank 2: High Voltage (which is not a Michael Bay film) where Statham hooks himself up to jumper cables and shocks himself back into sentience. Watching Ambulance is a little bit like that experience. 

Say what you will about the end product, Bay the Livewire is back! I did not realize how much I had missed it. Michael has pulled out all the stops this time around, oh..and he's found drone cameras to boot! The picture is chock full of these action sequences which are his lingua franca, vehicular destruction in the millions, chases and shootouts, a bajillion cuts per minute, and harebrained, oftentimes self-referential humor. I loved just about every second. 


Jake is operating on a two snorts per take ratio. It's completely over the top, bordering on the man needing a "Mr. Gyllenhaal, you're at about a 15. I'ma need you to bring it down to around an 8" memo. Yahya is every bit his foil as the man with a conscience and an internal mission guiding his ever-complicating choices. And finally Eiza Gonzalez, I have few words. Here's one: WOW! Just a remarkable turn as the tortured EMT caught in the crosshairs. Please put her in more things. 


The first 45 minutes of this film are unimpeachable. In typical Bay fashion, the logic falters as the runtime grows. Things move from merely improbable to truly ludicrous. By the 100 minute mark I was feeling a touch nauseous. But it's hard to complain with some of these wide shots and swooping camera moments. I think Bay would fly a camera into someone's rectum if it were allowed. 


So, I would advise just taking that small part of your brain and locking it up in the cupboard for about two hours. Just let the thumping, droning score and stellar sound design wash over you. Feel the adrenaline rush, the frantic edits, and the cathartic release of inane violence course through your veins. Finally, if you make it, Bay will ACTUALLY kind of grant you a satisfying conclusion with a few emotional stakes. Because this is the best thing he's done in many moons.

 

Ambulance is NOT good. 


It's also great.


 
FOF Rating - 3.5 out of 5
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